Fuzzy Navel is not just a reference to the obscure fuzzy remnants you find in your navel, after an adventuresome night of belly button foraging. To me it's the epitome of alcoholic delight and hang-over splendor. If drinking fuzzy navels required an immediate registration to 'Dueces A', then I would gladly take my anonymous seat and embark on step number 1. That's how fond I am of the fruity concoction, that is a Fuzzy Navel.
However 'The Fuz' does have one cruel drawback to her fruit-liciousness...it's tastes so great you soon forget the liquor, 2 mind you, until it's too late to recite the alphabet backwards. Thus my dilemma when I accepted a drinking invite to a local bar, with my peeps, Kat, Haley and Brooke.
Not one to veer off the beaten path, I did decide to be spontaneous and order a Pink Flamingo Martini, which was appealing because it had 'X-Rated Liquor' as the foremost ingredient. Curious over the description of chemical vulgarity, I definitely had to investigate further. One sip, and it was pretty clear the marketing genius behind such an entity...It's so strong the only word I could utter was 'Fuck', as my eyes pinched closed, and nose wrinkled up like Samantha on Bewitched.
Accepting that I was not going to be able to hang with the 'Big Boys' drinking that all night, I gladly switched to 'The Fuz'.
Relishing in gossip splendor with my peeps, "Oh" and Julie, I evidently had the "Neverending Navel', as it seemed to always be full. Not one to waste a good drink, I cheerfully continued my navel libation, drink after drink.
I mention Julie in this prose, because Julie is not directly one of my 'peeps'. She's a 'once removed peep', as she is actually Kat's friend, and due to employer and friendship, she is occasionally part of our inner circle. Julie can be..hhhmm...a Royal Biiiaatcch...to friends, family, co-workers, and especially her subservient husband, which in public arenas is quite uncomfortable for those of us who are subjected to the exploitation of his manhood. Therefore I have never been overly fond of her and her dictatorial demeanor. Hitler would be jealous of her authoritative prowess. Needless to say I somehow got paired with her on the smoking excursions outside and my friend 'Fuzzy' made it all bearable.
As the night went on and our chemical libations continued I began to realize...I was drunk. Which is not a typical condition for me, and was quite a first for my comrades as well.
Realizing we should probably call it a night, we began to make accomodations for our travel home, which for me was not going to be at my fulfillment. Haley offered to be my chauffer for the ride home and I headed for refuge in her car.
We were able to get able 1/8 of a mile from the Bar, and my liver decided it could not process that level of alcohol and nachos, at the rate I was subjecting it to, and I summarily had to engage in the 'puke in a parking lot' routine.
I did recover after much deviation from solid foods and attempt to stand for more than 5 minutes. So lesson learned here: Real Friends Pull Over When you have to Puke!
Much love to Haley for all the support and compassion (I think I heard some laughter in there too) in my time of need.
