OH! de Toilette

Toilet Etiquette took on a new meaning one Wednesday afternoon...

A coworker and I were making our way to the ladies room for some delayed relief, discussing the better points of feminine hygiene and accouterments. As we entered the restroom, spanning 12 stalls long, we made our traditional scan of the accommodations to ensure unfettered privacy during our 'girl talk'. Choosing our throne of glory, we continued with our conversation. During the customary hand washing we noticed out of our peripheral the presence of someone in one of the latter stalls near the end. Puzzled that we missed this breach in our initial security inspection we spied further.

We quickly noticed a muddle of clothes adorning the floor. Upon the standard shirt and pants there laid a bra and shoes kicked off to the side. This conundrum piqued our curiosity..and humor. Our emotions were caught between abhorrence and hilarity. We silently questioned the motives behind such actions in a public restroom.

As we turned to leave, to exhaust our pent up laughter, Jackie feigned an expression of epiphany, which caused an unrelenting burst of laughter. She whispered the words (between laughter)...




"I think that's your daughter"....




My reproach was evident as I double-backed into the bathroom to get a closer view of the calamity...

'Looks like something Sabrea owns..' I'm thinking to myself.

Only one way to confirm our suspicion..."Sabrea?"

"Yes!" responded MY DAUGHTER...in all her glory...in the work bathroom......



I have failed as a parent.

Who thought that outlaying the do's and dont's of sex, drugs, and rock n' roll wasn't enough?...

M.I.A.

M.I.A. for me is not an attempt to honor The Few, The Proud who have gone missing in action while fighting for our country during a war, battle, or insurgency gone wrong. M.I.A. for me has a more personal connotation: Maxi Is AWOL.

Struggling with Bronchitis over the past few days, I have taken preventative measures to alleviate the emanation of urinal slippage, produced every time I cough, which happens quite frequently. Taking precautions included wearing a double 'Maxi'. Seems simple enough, right? I'm not a fan of 'The Pad', as I prefer other means of gynecological accoutrements during my monthly cyclical exploits, and thus I am apparently not accustomed to the requirements.

I carefully removed the safety strip and applied to the 'panties' as per the illustration. Thank goodness for that, it was a bit confusing. Armed with my shield of surety, I proceeded with my day.

Being ever vigilant to make appropriate visits to the ladies room to survey the situation, and make sure everything was living up to expectation. All seemed well. So I thought.

When I returned home, and proceeded with the traditional denudation ceremony amidst my boudoir, I made a shocking discovery! My little pink friend 'Maxi', had apparently gone AWOL. Oh the horror! I frantically searched the clothes I had removed, the floor, under the bed...no where. I couldn't find 'Maxi' anywhere!

The myriad of possibilities began to set in and overwhelm me. How is this possible? This is a well designed, ergonimically tested stucture, correct? It has to withstand great odds: unpredictable weather conditions, such as drizzle, mud slides, and avalanches. Ability to work in a confined space. Resistance to frictional forces. Decimation of odor. Top engineers were engaged to produce this specimen meant to withstand so many variables.

My despair over the 'Maxi' melee leaves me comtemplating the alternative.

Depends?